8 year old boy regulary wets himself on purpose?

Question

8 year old boy regularly wets himself on purpose?

Do we go back to diapers for our 8 year old son as he's wetting his pants and shorts on purpose which is his reason that he tells us he wets himself constantly?

There’s probably more context here than I will be able to remember to insert, but my son is 8.5 years old and in 3rd grade and still regularly wets himself.

I can’t call them accidents, because he says it is intentional. When we are at home, he MUST pee every 30 minutes or less, and I know he isn’t emptying his whole bladder because even without water between breaks he will pee for 2 seconds and be done.

It’s like he lets a little leak out and then decides he’s done.

This doesn’t change if he is sitting or standing, or based on the setting we’re in.

He is also not nighttime trained, but now we’re doubting if that is the same as daytime accidents.

If he is out somewhere (backyard playing with friends, at a relatives house playing with little cousins) he told us that he’s having too much fun and doesn’t want to use the bathroom so he just choses to pee his pants.

We set timers and give reminders and he will go pee for 2 seconds, go back to playing, and the rest of his pee is immediately in his pants.

He is VERY upset every time we talk about it, he is incredibly embarrassed when people - OBVIOUSLY - know he has peed in his, yanno, khaki shorts. We have stayed with him in the bathroom and made him sit down for a minute or two and told him he needs to get ALL of his pee out, he won’t.

He used to pee his pants if the TV was on because, even though he knew how to use the remote and pause it, he didn’t want to have to stop watching to go potty.

This ended when he was about 5-6, but now we have a whole other issue with him CHOOSING to wet himself seemingly due to FOMO.

We have been to doctors because he was having regular accidents at school (had CYS called because of the regular accidents as well, of course, which I know they’re just doing their jobs and it’s a red flag but we don’t know why it’s happening either!) and there is a general conclusion that physically he’s fine.

He DOES have an ADHD diagnosis, as do both of us parents.

Bladder control isn’t something we personally struggled with as kids, definitely some impulse control issues and not being able to tell we have to go until it’s an emergency but both of us were fully night and daytime potty trained at early ages (2 and 3 years old).

Not that this means he 100% would be too.

He is not currently medicated but has an appointment next week to talk to his ped about meds as it has been effecting his academics.

But in the meantime… I mean what the hell do we do?

We don’t want diapers on our 3rd grader who is CHOOSING to wet himself.

Feels like it would encourage the behavior.

Although we may have to go back to diapers for him if it continues?

We have actually removed all black/navy/very dark colored pants and shorts from his wardrobe to try and discourage this behavior just by general social embarrassment of his choices but he just tells his friends he spilled water on himself… even when there is no water anywhere. He also tells US this near every time, because he doesn’t want to come in and get changed.

He hasn’t been yelled at or anything for peeing himself, but we do have regular conversations about how it isn’t cool and that he needs to be using a bathroom.

So it’s not that he’s scared of any consequence other than the initial “I don’t want to have to stop playing”.

This happens near daily, sometimes several times a day.

Obviously punishing it with a “if you’re gonna pee your pants around your friends you don’t get to play with your friends” may do more harm than good.

But we are almost at our wits end.

It is increasingly hard to not make sure he is embarrassed about his behavior, and let him know that his neighborhood friends (who are 6-10 years old, with the older ones being related to the younger ones) DEFINITELY KNOW he’s pissed himself.

I don’t know what kind of healthy societal pressure to put on him, or if I should just let the natural consequences ride out that eventually these kids will start picking on him for it.

Like, should we warn him they’re gonna figure it out in hopes he stops before they do?

Setting timers and reminders hasn’t helped.

Fingers crossed meds put a dent in it. But any kind of guidance would help. Thank you!

Answer 1

To me it sounds like your 8 year old son wants to be put back in diapers as he's intentionally wetting himself.

I would recommend putting him back in diapers like this 8 year old diaper boy Tommy wearing his pampers.

8 year old diaper boy Tommy picture wearing pampers

8 year old diaper boy Tommy picture wearing plastic pamper diaper

Answer 2

When your 8 year old boy regularly wets himself on purpose it's rarely a result of pure defiance, but is often tied to physical habits, sensory issues or emotional stress.

Or it could be that your 8 year old son is regressing and wanting back in diapers even for a short while.

As long as you've ruled out any actual health issues, you could put him back in diapers temporarily and see if it gets out of his system.

Although there is a thing that some people have called a diaper fetish in which they love to wear diapers and this could be your 8 year old son who wants to wear diapers.

Diaper loving and diaper fetishes often begin in childhood and can begin as early as age 5 for some and continue into adulthood and there's no harm in it.

Although other things that can cause an 8 year old boy to regularly wet himself include voiding dysfunction, constipation, anxiety or stress and medical issues like Urinary tract infections or an overactive bladder, which can make it impossible for him to hold urine.

Children including 8 year old boys often get distracted by play or school, ignore early bladder signals and hold their pee in until an accident happens and they wet their pants.

And a full bowel from constipation also presses against the bladder, which reduces the bladders capacity and causes sudden urgency or leaks.

And emotional changes, school pressure and underlying conditions like ASD or ADHD can trigger regression or accidents.

You should also establish a bathroom routine and encourage your 8 year old to use the toilet every 2 to 3 hours even if they say they don't need to go and avoid punishment.

Shaming or scolding your child for wetting themselves often increases stress and worsens the behavior, so instead, focus on a calm, matter of fact cleanup process.