Two depressed people can have a good relationship, although maintaining a good relationship when both people are depressed also requires self awareness, extra effort and clear boundaries.
When two people in a relationship are depressed it has a few benefits which are mutual patience and deep empathy.
Partners that both experience depression often understand the daily struggles as well as low energy and heavy feelings of the other in a way that non depressed partners cannot.
And there is often less judgement and more room for rest when a partner needs to pull back or take things slow.
Although there's also some unique challenges when both partners are depressed which include simultaneous lows, symptom spirals and reduced intimacy.
Depression often lowers your libido, energy and communication, which can lead to emotional distance if left unaddressed.
And one person's withdrawal, negativity or irritability can inadvertently trigger or worsen the other person's symptoms which is known as affect concordance.
Both partners also may experience a severe depressive episode at the same time, which leaves neither partner with the emotional or physical energy to care for the other.
To make the relationship healthy when you're both depressed you should see a therapist, take prescribed medication or use professional tools as both partners are also primarily responsible for their own mental health.
Don't rely solely on your partner for emotional stability and maintain friendships, family ties or support groups so that you each have an external outlet.
Also be honest about what you cannot handle and what you can handle on difficult days as clear limits and mutual considerations are essential for this dynamic to work.
And you should also accept your relationship will have high and low seasons and you should learn to let go of perfectionism regarding any household tasks or social outing when your energy is low.
Depression can also sometimes make you not like your partner or even make you feel like you have lost feelings for your partner by causing emotional numbness and draining of your mental energy.
Depression changes how your brain handles emotions and it does not always mean that you stopped loving your partner even though it may feel like it.
Instead the depression creates an emotional fog.
Depression affects your feelings by causing emotional numbness, anhedonia, low energy, social withdrawal and low self worth.
With emotional numbness you may feel flat or empty inside and this lack of feeling can extend to your romantic relationship.
Anhedonia is a complex term that means the inability to feel pleasure and enjoyable moments with your partner may also feel boring or meaningless.
Low energy is where basic tasks take all your effort and you have no energy left for dates or long talks.
Social withdrawal is where you pull away from people to save energy or even isolate yourself and low self worth is when you may feel like a burden and you may even push your partner away because you feel unworthy of love.
In depression you feel a general lack of interest in every part of life, including work, hobbies, friends and your partner and when you fall out of love, you feel disconnected or unhappy specifically toward your partner, while your interest in hobbies and friends stays normal.
What you should not do when your partner is depressed is to try and fix them or tell them to snap out of it.
When your partner is depressed you should not minimize or dismiss their feelings, don't take their withdrawal personally, don't use any accusatory language, don't try to replace professional help, don't make it all about your frustration and don't neglect your own well being.
Avoid burning yourself out and maintain your own routines, support systems and hobbies.
Refrain from complaining that their depression is hard on you or saying things such as "I miss the old you," as this adds unnecessary guilt.
Be a supportive partner, although you should not act as their medical provider or therapist.
Avoid using any harsh criticism, shaming or using phrases like "you always" or "you never".
And remember that your partners distance is a symptom of depression and not a rejection of you or the relationship you have together.
And avoid using statements like "It's not that bad" or "You have nothing to be sad about".
Depression sometimes does get better without treatment if it's mild or situational depression, although when depression is moderate to severe or clinical depression it often requires professional treatment to get better.
Depression may improve and get better on it's own when it's has mild symptoms or situational triggers.
Short lived or low level feelings of sadness might pass with time, rest, and basic self care and low mood tied to a temporary stressor like a stressful project, a breakup or even a life transition can lift as the situation changes or resolves.
Although if the depression is clinical depression or has high severity it often does not go away on it's own.
Clinical depression like major depressive disorder and persistent depressive episodes involve changes in brain chemistry and often persist or even worsen or recur without intervention.
And moderate to severe depression symptoms like ongoing fatigue, inability to function or having feelings of hopelessness also rarely resolve on their own without support.
And untreated depression also carries a higher risk of becoming chronic or even leading to other health issues.
If depression is left untreated the depression can get worse, last longer and even lead to severe physical and mental health problems.
The mental health complications of untreated depression include:
Worsening of depression symptoms, in which episodes of depression often become more severe and frequent over time.
Co-occurring disorders as chronic emotional stress can trigger anxiety disorders or even panic attacks.
Possible substance abuse in which the depressed person may used alcohol or drugs to cope with pain, which can worsen depression and even suicidal thoughts as deep despair can increase the risk of self harm or suicidal behavior.
The physical health consequences of untreated depression include:
Brain changes, as long term untreated depression is also linked to physical changes in your brain, which includes reduced activity and even tissue shrinkage in memory centers.
Chronic illness, as ongoing stress also raises your risk of heart disease, diabetes and obesity.
Physical pain as people with depression often experience unexplained headaches, digestive issues and chronic body aches and sleep and memory problems, in which severe fatigue, insomnia and trouble concentrating or remembering things can become permanent daily struggles.
Abd social and career impacts of untreated depression includes:
Relationship strain, as low energy and irritability often leads to conflicts with family, friends, and coworkers.
Social isolation in which people with depression tend to withdraw from normal activities and stay home and even job loss as fatigue and poor decision making can damage career stability and result in lost workdays.
Depression qualifies as severe depression, when it causes intense feelings of sadness, emptiness and hopelessness that disrupts a person's ability to handle daily activities, work and relationships.
Key signs and symptoms of severe depression are profound sadness, loss of interest, exhaustion, cognitive struggles and suicidal thoughts.
Profound sadness, includes having a deep, unshakable feeling of despair, misery, or emotional numbness.
Loss of interest, is where the person has a complete lack of pleasure in hobbies, social events or normal daily tasks.
Exhaustion is when the person has severe physical fatigue, in which basic actions like getting out of bed feel impossible.
Cognitive struggles, are where the person has trouble concentrating, remembering details or making simple decisions.
And suicidal thoughts are where the person has frequent or recurrent thoughts of death or self harm.
And unlike mild depression or moderate depression, the severe form of depression features a high number of intense symptoms that persist nearly all day, every day, for weeks, months or longer and it completely overwhelms a person's coping capacity and functional independence.
Severe depression also requires professional medical care, which often combines psychotherapy (talk therapy), medication, or other medical interventions.
The deadliest depression is Major depressive disorder, also known as clinical depression as well as it's severe subtype, psychotic depression, due to the high risks of severe impairment, self harm and suicide.
Major Depressive Disorder also known as clinical depression is a severe mental health condition that causes persistent sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest in daily life, which lasts 2 weeks or longer.
Major Depressive Disorder significantly impairs your ability to function and carries a high risk of recurring, intense suicidal thoughts.
Psychotic Depression is a subtype of major depression, in which a person experiences psychosis symptoms like hallucinations or delusions.
The reason psychotic depression is dangerous is because the delusions or hallucinations are often mood congruent, like hearing voices telling the person they are worthless or being punished, which drastically increases the risk of dangerous self harm or even suicide attempts.
The deepest form of depression is severe major depression that is accompanied by suicidal ideation, self harm, or even psychotic features, where your daily functioning also becomes completely debilitating.
Severe major depression is the worst stage of depression.
And while clinical depression is often viewed through levels of severity, which include (mild, moderate and severe) or progressive worsening phases rather than fixed "stages" of depression, the most dangerous and intense point of depression is marked by extreme functional impairment and crisis.
The key signs of severe depression include complete debilitation, severe emotional numbness or agony and crisis symptoms.
Complete debilitation in severe depression are where basic daily tasks, like showering, getting out of bed, eating or even working feel physically and even mentally impossible.
Severe emotional numbness or agony in severe depression involve intense feelings of worthlessness, crushing guilt and profound hopelessness taking over.
And crisis symptoms of severe depression involve emergence of thoughts of death, suicide, self harm, or in rare cases, psychotic features such as catatonia or delusions.
The common signs of severe depression are physical pain, severe isolation, extreme hopelessness, total loss of function and suicidal thoughts.
Suicidal thoughts include believing there is no escape from the agony, or that loved ones would be better off without you.
Total loss of function includes being unable to get out of bed, eat, bathe or do basic daily tasks.
Extreme hopelessness includes feeling completely empty, numb or convinced that life will never get better.
Severe isolation includes pulling away from all friends, family and support systems.
And physical pain includes experiencing any unexplained aches, severe fatigue, or extreme sleep and weight changes.