The four behaviors that cause 90% of all divorces are stonewalling, defensiveness, criticism and contempt.
Contempt is the top behavior and predictor of 90% of all divorces and is the deadliest behavior that is characterized by acting with disgust, superiority, or disrespect.
Examples of contempt in relationships are sarcasm, mocking, eye rolling and sneering.
And unlike just voicing a complaint, criticism is a personal attack on a partner's character, instead of just a specific behavior, like "You Always forget, You're so selfish" vs just "I'm upset you didn't do the dishes".
Defensiveness is a way of blaming the partner, where the individual plays the victim to avoid any accountability, and it essentially says that the problem is not me and is you.
And stonewalling is what occurs when one partner shuts down, stops responding and withdraws from interaction and gives the silent treatment, instead of dealing with the conflict.
The 5 signs of an unhealthy relationship are unproductive conflict, walking on eggshells, dishonesty and betrayal, disrespect and belittling and constant control.
In an unhealthy relationship, instead of resolving issues constructively, arguments instead escalate into threats, gaslighting or ultimatums, which leaves you feeling confused and doubting of your own reality.
When you're in an unhealthy relationship you often also walk on eggshells and constantly change your behavior, hold back opinions, or even edit yourself just to keep the peace and avoid triggering your partner's anger or their hostility.
And people in an unhealthy relationship also often lie and keep major information hidden and may even cheat or intentionally be two faced, which erodes the foundational trust of the partnership.
Communication in unhealthy relationships also often involves put downs, constant criticism, or making fun of the other's opinions, which chips away at their own self worth.
And one partner in the unhealthy relationship often frequently dictates the decisions of the other partner and isolates them from family and friends or even may unreasonably monitor their whereabouts and their actions.
Unhealthy relationships are basically characterized by power and control, instead of equality and respect.
Red flags of an unhealthy relationship include feelings of isolation, constant criticism, excessive jealousy or possessiveness and walking on eggshells.
These patterns also consistently drain your energy as well as well being.
When you're in an unhealthy relationship you should establish clear boundaries.
Clearly communicate what behaviors are making you uncomfortable and gauge how your partner responds to your needs.
And assess whether or not the apologies lead to actual, lasting change or if any empty promises are just keeping the dynamic in place.
You don't have to navigate the unhealthy relationship alone, and if the dynamic is taking a toll on your mental health, you may want to consult with a licensed therapist to help you navigate the feelings and options.
If you experience controlling behavior, emotional pressure or any intimate partner violence, then there's also confidential help and crisis available.
If the unhealthy relationship is leading to domestic violence and you feel you're in danger or are in danger you should call 911.