You know you're masturbating too much:
• When you're wiping after peeing and figure, well, why not keep going?
• When every time you close a door you feel a little horny.
• When every time you see your own right hand you smile knowingly.
• When your girlfriend stops asking, "What are you doing in there?" and starts saying, "Just let me know when you're done."
• When finger food starts to smell just a little sexy.
• When the top button-hole on your jeans starts to wear through after only a few months.
• When your phone rings on vibrate and you feel a little let down when you answer it.
• When someone else's phone rings on vibrate and you feel a thrill.
• When you start thinking about buying a small motorcycle to ride to work because, well...
• When you start grading your orgasms.
• When the wall over your bed is filled with little gold stars.
• When you discover your middle and ring fingers are really strong!