Why do older siblings hate younger siblings?

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asked Dec 15, 2021 in Family by whatsiteverwas (1,030 points)
Why do older siblings hate younger siblings?

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answered Dec 15, 2021 by Saltydogg (2,150 points)
Older siblings hate younger siblings most often because they think the younger siblings get more attention than they do which is usually quite true.

Most younger siblings get more attention from the parents than the older siblings do.

Younger siblings resent older ones because they are more capable and get more privileges.

Just about anything can ignite an aggressive attack and lots of tears.

The most common cause of sibling conflict is Jealously and Bitterness as well as lack of social skills.

The main causes of sibling rivalry are lack of social skills, concerns with fairness, individual temperaments, special needs, parenting style, parent's conflict resolution skills and culture.

But it's also common for siblings to be great friends on one day and hateful to one another on the next day.

Other common causes of sibling conflicts include.

Poor communication and conflict resolution skills during childhood.
Parents pitting their children against each other and comparing them to each other.
Unhealthy competition between siblings.

Sibling Rivalries are very common and a pretty normal part of growing up around other siblings.

Sibling rivalry has been identified as more common among children who are the same gender and close together in age.

Rates of sibling rivalry are lower in families where children feel they are treated equally by their parents and where their place in the family is respected and valued.

Statistically, sibling rivalry is indeed quite normal. It goes on in many or even most families with two or more children.

It is the rare family in which the children are always nice to each other.

All they need to do is read the stories of all the early families in the Bible to have their impression validated.

It is normal for siblings to physically fight and sometimes siblings may fight and say they hate each other when in fact they actually still love each other.

However if the fighting between the siblings continues or gets worse then something needs done to stop it.

Sibling rivalry is a normal, and mostly harmless, part of growing up.

Siblings often compete without anyone getting hurt.

Sibling violence or abuse can be described as a repeated pattern of physical aggression with the intent to inflict harm and motivated by a need for power and control.

The age at which most siblings fight the most is between the ages of 10 to 15 years old.

Although the fighting between siblings can start earlier than that and some siblings fight around age 4 to 8 years old and continue to fight.

As children get older, the way they interact is likely to change.

While younger children tend to fight physically, older children are more likely to have verbal arguments.

Competitiveness between siblings typically peaks between ages 10 and 15.

However, sometimes sibling rivalry can continue on into adulthood.

A toxic sibling is a sibling that is highly judgemental and overly critical of you.

When you have a toxic sibling you may often feel as though you can't do anything right because your sibling will 'nitpick' and find 'flaws' in you.

Toxic sibling relationships can result if parents are unavailable, depressed, aggressive, narcissistic, or controlling. In the Golden Child and the Black Sheep Dynamic, one child is favored over the others.

The Black Sheep is the scapegoat of the family.

Tips to deal with a toxic sibling include.

Set limits and boundaries.
Figure out the workarounds.
Don't fight too hard for it.
Establish an emotional boundary.
Acknowledge your truth.
Label the behaviors (or your feelings), not the person.
Communicate openly if it feels safe.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

If your toxic family continues to disrespect you, to ignore your boundaries, and to gaslight you, you have every right to cut ties.

You do, in fact, have the right to do this at any time, but many people wait until they realize the full impact of staying in these relationships.

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