Many codependents are unhappy as codependency is a pattern of reliance on other people for self worth and emotional well being, which often leads to negative emotions and also challenges in relationships.
Codependents can also experience anxiety, depression and low self esteem as well as feelings of resentment, most particularly when the persons efforts to care for other people are not reciprocated or valued.
Some codependents may also play the victim, and often as part of a larger pattern of dysfunctional relationship dynamics.
Not all codependents exhibit playing the victim behavior, although playing the victim is a common trait in codependent people, especially when it's viewed through the lens of the drama triangle.
A codependent person in this dynamic may initially present as the "here" or "good person" although internally the person will feel like the victim, especially when it's in relation to the other person in the relationship.
People who are most likely to be codependent are people that have anxious attachment styles or people that have experienced early life trauma.
Codependency can affect anyone, although certain factors can increase your likelihood of developing codependent behaviors.
Having a history of trauma, experiencing anxiety or low self esteem, having a close relationship with someone struggling with addiction or even growing up in a dysfunctional family can increase your chances of being a codependent person.
When two codependents meet, it can result in a challenging dynamic, that is often characterized by a cycle of neediness as well as control, which leads to instability in the relationship as well as emotional drain.
The initial attraction may stem from a sense of shared woundedness and a desire for mutual validation, although the underlying codependent patterns might create a dysfunctional and unsuitable relationship.
When you're with a codependent person that you're with will have no personal identity, values or interests outside of their codependent relationship.
And both people in a codependent relationship can also express their emotions and their needs and find ways of making their relationship beneficial for both of them.
And one person in the codependent relationship feels their desires and needs are not important and will not express them.
In a codependent relationship, there often tends to be a severe imbalance of power and often, one person might be giving much more time, energy and focus to the other person or people.
Codependency can also manifest as having an excessive need to please, a fear of abandonment and even difficulty in setting boundaries, whereas healthy love fosters individual growth as well as autonomy.
Codependent people may also sometimes have affairs.
Codependency itself does not cause infidelity directly although the dynamics and patterns within codependent relationships can create environments in which affairs can become more likely to occur.
The dynamics also often involve a lack of emotional fulfillment, resentment and also a desire to seek validation outside of the primary relationship.
The impact that codependency can have on relationships include resentment and unmet needs, low self esteem and insecurity, difficulty in saying no and boundary issues, seeking external validation and idealization and fantasy.
Codependents may idealize other people and lead to fantasy crushes or limerence, which can also contribute to affairs.
Codependents also often will rely on external validation for their sense of self worth and if they don't get this validation within their primary relationship, they might seek it somewhere else.
And codependents may struggle to say no and struggle to set boundaries, and it can potentially enable them to engage in behaviors which they may have otherwise avoided, including affairs.
Codependency is also often linked to low self esteem as well as insecurity, which can also make people more vulnerable to seek attention and validation from other people, which can potentially lead to affairs.
And in relationships that are codependent, one partner will often sacrifices their needs to cater to the other, which can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment.
And this imbalance can also create an environment in which the person may seek external validation and connection.